Simply Exhausted..

I dont know what it is

I feel like no matter how much

I finish or work on, nothing is ever

Accomplished.

Im not sure that even makes sense but

gowing up, people have always said,

"oh senior year is so much fun, and its such a joke!"

What the heck were they thinking?!

This is what I think when I hear people talk

of an easy senior year.

Seriously.

Senior year is anything but easy.. 

Dont get me wrong, there are fun times 

and there have been many memories made but 

this has literally been the most difficult year of school.

 I spend hours upon hours after school doing homework each night.

Its hard for me to stay motivated when people think

that I just slack off and do nothing.. 

Sometimes when they tell me that, I ask myself

 what the point of working so hard is.. 

Because if they think im doing nothing, 

then whats the point of working for five hours each night on homework

 if they never believe you?? Whats the point?

Its hard because I feel so distant from friends because

 they are also doing hours and hours of homework every night.

Its hard because Emily and Krista are hundreds of miles away.. 

Its hard because even though things should be winding down, 

things just keep piling up.. 

Nothing is ever enough. 

Its hard because I dont know how to say no to something or someone,

so I just say yes to every opportunity presented to me.

Its hard because im growing up.. 

In a few months im gonna leave home and start my life on my own..

Its hard because I dont wanna leave home fighting with my mom.

Sometimes I think thats all we ever do anymore.. I absolutely hate it.

Its hard. 

I dont want to send out the false message that senior year isnt a great time in your life.. 

Because it should be, and it is.

 Its fun and should be lived up to everything it can be. 

But I also dont want to put out the message that its a breeze.

 Because like I said earlier, it has literally been

 one of the hardest years of my life.. Emotionally, physically, and mentally.

As I lay in bed at night,

I am simply exhausted. 

With all this being said, I am extremely grateful that I am a senior and

that it is my last semester of high school.

I am grateful that in the stress of it all, I still have my older brother Jesus Christ 

and my Father in Heaven right by my side..

Crying, laughing, and stressing with me always no matter what.

I am grateful to know that, because if I didnt, im not sure I would be able to

do even a fourth of the things I do.

I know Him. I love Him. And I need Him.. In all things.

I am grateful that it is finally my turn to graduate,

and to start life in college.

I'm ready.. So bring it on.

[121 DAYS UNTIL GRADUATION]